Friday, November 12, 2010

Life changing event? Probably not.

But this is still sort of awesome.

So I tweeted this:

And then Peter Facinelli actually followed me! It was only for about a second, because I assume he re-read the message and was like "Screw this."

But still, it's pretty damn cool.

Here's a link to a larger version of the picture (because it's being a butt and won't work properly):

To the FB whiners-

So, I'm thinking people need to be less ridiculous and caught up on themselves (says the girl with a personal blog that attempts to pander her life stories to an audience). I mean honestly, I remember high school pretty damn well. That's all I want - to remember it. I do not need daily reminders that people I went to high school with are still acting like they're in high school. Grow up? Move on? Stop crying like a whiny baby?

Too much? Possibly.

Or perhaps not enough?

I know that considering people's feelings is very important, and that we live in an anal-retentive PC culture (I'm guilty as charged majourity of the time!), but when did it come to the point where we forgo honesty in favour of sugar-coating every damn thing in half-constructed lies to make people feel like they're deserving human beings?

I don't think we should start telling kids that they'll end up failing at life, or that their greatest dream better be working as a gas station attendant, because there is no way that Timmy-the-glue-eater is getting into college.

But I am pretty sure that by the time you're in your early twenties that you should be able to handle criticism - and hell, even realistic thinking.

Whoa, whoa, back up the reality-train, right?

Wrong. There is no reason that a college student that is failing every course they have ever attempted to take, should think that they're going to get into Harvard Law any time soon (unless they've got one hell of a rich uncle to buy their way in).

I'm just saying, let's work in at least a little honesty - and stop with all the whining over ever little thing that has ever happened to you. Buck up, and be an adult about some stuff, and the things that you absolutely cannot bare to keep to yourself, well post those in moderation on your FB and Twitter.

Because I guarantee you, there is about 1/60 people that give a damn that that one person you were seeing for roughly .5 seconds dumped you/did you wrong.

And that one person is probably one of your relatives.
One of the nosy ones.
That wants to use the information to hurt you in some way.

That's all I've got to say about it for the moment, but I'm going to leave you with a comment that I put on my own FB that sums up my feelings on this subject quite well...

This message goes out to people on FB who complain that they have such horrendous problems. You’re right that guy/girl/something-or-other WAS a total jerkface loser who totally did NOT deserve you after you spent that whole week with them! And you’re right your mom/dad/sister/brother/third-cousin-with-the-missing-eye IS being a real meanie to you all the time! Jeez. And that teacher? They are DEFINITELY out to get you! I bet you get 100% on tests, and they just go back and change your answers so that you’ll look like a failure! That way they get the chance to endure you *again* the next year, because they have an agenda! …So, to all you people who feel you have a real need to share your ‘issues’ with every single person who doesn’t care, I ask you to stop, because when an actual problem arises in your life – FB will be the last place you’ll want to express it.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Suicide Is Never The Answer.

So, I started this post with some lofty ideas and some emotional disturbances, but then I began typing it out - and none of it made sense (outside of myself - and even I was having a hard time deciphering). Instead of trying to sound it out in a soft blanket of dictation, I'm just going to address that which is uncomfortable - and socially unacceptable to discuss aloud.

But I have to discuss it, regularly. Because it has happened to me, to my family.

I'm talking about suicide - the secret that isn't so secretive anymore these days. We're groomed to shy away from the term; the concept is unbearable to think about, therefore we don't discuss it.

However, I am a suicide survivor.

This does not mean that I, myself, have attempted to commit suicide and survived the attempt. Instead, this phrase refers to the fact that I have survived a loved one who has committed suicide.

My father left us in June, and it is the hardest thing in the world to be the ones that are left behind - abandoned by someone that they loved so dearly.

It is not fair, it is not logical. I wont sugarcoat that. I cant say that everyone experiences this sort of event the same - on the contrary, even within my own family, we've all been trying to deal with the loss of my dad differently. No two people grieve in the same way - so don't let anyone tell you differently.

And really, this is not a topic that I rush to discuss, but I cant get the words out of myself verbally, so perhaps this is a venue in which I can try to unleash some of my confusion, resentment and outright rage.

I have shied away from talking about my dad in the past few months, because I imagine that if I talk about him like he's gone, then it makes it all the more real to admit that he really is gone. And I get so angry to think that he's never going to walk through the door covered in mud (he was a dry waller, so I mean that sort of mud) and dust.

It's even more complicated because I'm not an outright emotional person - at least, in expressing them. I feel things to an acute degree, but generally reserve emotional outbursts for the quiet solitude of my bedroom, or some other secluded spot. It worries people in my family, which is a just assumption - and perhaps I'm not dealing with this in the healthiest manner, but I am trying.

Every day is lived moment to moment, breath to breath.

It's exhausting to just exist, but add in a full course load, a part time job and the stress of ensuring that my mom is doing okay - and you get the heaviest stupor imaginable.

I have made some time for me - I went to a Seether concert in August, I just attended the Renaissances Festival last weekend, and I try to read my favourite blogs for an uplifting twist to my week.

I feel scrambled most of the time (something resembling this entire blog post, actually). And, of course, I still have to deal with new disappointments, endings, beginnings and pains that, while incomparable, only compile upon the constant stream of stress that I live within.

I really have strayed away from my original message for this post - but I'm not sorry that I did, sometimes all that is needed is talking (verbally or nonverbally is really not that important).

The main thing is: no one is alone - because there is always someone out there willing to listen. So please, if you learn nothing else from this rambling mess, please take away from this the message that you are not alone.

If you are feeling like you want to hurt yourself or are contemplating suicide, please call your local crisis center, because you are not alone in this.

Thursday, September 9, 2010


So, it's been months (literally) since I've blogged. I would say I apologize, but I'm not at all sorry for the intervening months.

On June 16, 2010 my dad passed away.

I really haven't come to terms with that, nor do I think I can really comprehend that it really happened.

I don't want to abandon my original goal for this blog however - to really get to a place, internally, where I'm happy with myself.

Obviously, this has set me backwards - pushed me backwards is probably more accurate. - But more than that, it's like my entire world (and the world that every member of my family belongs to) has been plunged into darkness. I cannot honestly say I wake up glad to "just be alive" every morning - some days are more difficult, while others are almost bearable.

I do know that I'm glad I
am alive, because he isn't. He can't experience the warmth of the sun, the wet of the rain, or the cold of the wind anymore. It's hard to even wrap my head around. It doesn't make sense, none of this does - nothing that has happened in the past few months has any rhyme, or reason.

I can't change what happened. There really is nothing else to do, but endure, survive, live.

So that's my message today:

Live now, because you don't always have as much time as you imagine.

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Heat, cemeteries and hoses.

I think my tolerance to heat has gone down, dramatically.

My parents, my nieces and I went to the cemeteries yesterday to put flowers on everyone's graves - which alone, is fine. But it was nearing the 90 degree weather from
hell. That coupled with two kids under the age of 6 makes life a little suckfestish.

Livy (3, youngest) is very intolerant of heat, so she was being carried by this point - because the little plastic wagon was not good enough to lay in. Obviously. And Emma (5, eldest) is a whiner, who finds fault in all things - even if she is the one that dictated it. They're both adorable, generally well-behaved kids, but sheesh - can they whine.

Also, unlike my sister and I - who went to the cemeteries every year - these two were unfamiliar with the custom of not walking on or kicking headstones. I nearly melted with embarrassment/over-heat-ment (?) by the time we left. I'm pretty sure some long-deceased people did a 180 in their graves yesterday. Awesome. I really hope I don't get haunted because of this.

At least it was time to tan and relax after those exhausting three hours (was it only three hours? it felt like a whole day). Of course, my nieces are in love with the hose - and they sprayed everyone in the face at least once.

Always a nice treat when you're on a chair, eyes closed, stretched out like a cat.

So, here's to hoping no ghosts show up and possess my body and/or do me mass amounts of damage over the whole grave-disrespects. Sorry dead people? ...yeah.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Home, garage sale finds and Seether.

So, I've officially been home for over a week now and wow.

I'm sort of ready to go somewhere else for just a little while. Don't get me wrong, I adore being home - but it's sort of hard to not be able to make the decisions after having done so for around 10 months prior to now. Although, it does have it's advantages - like no rent, free food and better cable. So... I should stop complaining now (easier said than done?).

I totally went garage saling (total addict right here) yesterday and Friday - and I made some remarkable finds: one red leather circa-late 90's Buffy-style jacket, gold Marie Antoinette heels and an incredibly angry piggy bank.

I'm nearly certain that my finds are better than anyone else's from yesterday. For real.

Besides finding a shit-ton of stuff (that I probably didn't need) at garage sales, I've been planning my end of summer adventures - and yes, I'm doing it already, I'm a planner, y'all.

My friends and I are going to enjoy the festive nature of the Renaissance Festival at the end of August, THEN we're going to rock the State Fair - and see Seether in concert. My life has been plagued with people who have seen Seether in concert before - and I have yet to be so lucky (woe be my life) - so now I will finally get to say I have seen them, finally. Hinder and Black Stone Cherry shall be there as well, and they're both delicious in concert, people.

That's all I have to update about - now off to sort crap for my own garage sale. Huzzah.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Supported, thankful and incredibly grateful.

So I'm taking a minute to count down my days till I'm done with this school year, and then I'll be back in the safe confines of my hometown.


Only three days.

I'm shocked, excited, nostalgic, perplexed and antsy all at the same time. I cannot believe this year has finally gotten over with - but I'm also shocked that it's over already. It's like having a duel timeline living inside my brain.

This has been the hardest year of my academic life, because coupled with a more challenging school environment - I was also faced with living alone for the first time ever, in a new city, where I knew so few people it was nearly ridiculous to have come at all.

But I did grow as a person. I found out I could do it, and that I wasn't helpless on my own. I'm a capable person; I'm a resourceful person; I'm able to confront problems and deal with them. These are things that, while I had guessed at before, I'm certain of now. However, I could not have learned any of these things if it weren't for the amazing people in my life.

I really could not have accomplished any of this if it weren't for all of you who've helped me through it - my friends who put up with my whining, bitching and moaning constantly. Those are the people I cannot thank enough, can not adore enough.

If it weren't for your willingness to put up with all my complaints and qualms, I would not have been able to keep (what's left of) my sanity during this extremely confusing time in my life. I know I could not have survived if it weren't for my friends who, even being miles away from me, stayed close to me.

Whether you're a new friend or an old friend, nearby or far away, I say thank you.

Everyone needs a support system, a group of people who they can turn to in times of need, in times of hardship - and I found out who those people are in my life; even if we're not able to always be present in each other's lives in the flesh, we're still able to share our woes and joys via so many other means of communication - whether it's Facebook, Twitter or just old fashioned emails.

I'm so incredibly grateful to have you all in my life, you are absolutely wonderful - each and every one of you.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Lost causes, advice and some wisdom.

I'll fight to the death to save a lost cause.

Of this, I'm quite sure.

It's a ridiculously bad flaw, and one that I'm fully aware of.

Yet, if push came to shove, I'd still do it.

Because I'm obviously broken and/or mentally deficient in other ways. Either way, I'm working on my very own lost cause at the moment. One that is sure to induce lots of metaphorical blood, maybe a little sweat and most assuredly tears of the very real variety.

My advice: never become involved with someone who is still in love with someone else.

It never ends well, and it would appear that it's rather an obvious situation. However, easy smiles and soft eyes can do a lot to dissuade even the strongest individual of the obvious.

And here's my follow up advice: never remain involved in that person's life, while continually fanning the flames of your own desires.

That always backfires. You will betray your own feelings, and most likely that person will pity you rather than sweep you off your feet.

It will be humiliating. There are no other terms for it. Trust my own judgement. Of course, if you continue to foster your own feelings - eternally waiting around for some sort of justification - then fine. Your willing (almost too willing) interest in their lives and wellbeing will most likely be interpreted as the dedication of a great friend.

Which is exactly what you wanted, right? No? Then at least you've not lost someone who obviously meant something to you in the first place.

That can be counted as a "win" in the eternal struggle between winning and losing.

So, at length - don't let your heart lead your head, but don't cut yourself off from the situation either. Just use a little caution and reason before you open yourself up to that certain-someone.

Learn from me. I'm a fountain of painfully-begotten knowledge.

(reposted on my livejournal as well)

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Sexting, field-trip fun and ghosties.

So, you ever have a really good sext-athon?

Yeah, it's been one of those nights.

And somebody has got to take my phone away from me, because honestly, it is not a safe place for it to be. I am pretty much willingly setting myself up to be crushed. Again. By the same person. Awesome.

First off, I admit to knowingly starting the conversation - but I take no responsibility to where it has gone. Well, I take some responsibility. Like halfish.

Okay. It's mainly my fault for nudging it in this direction.

But it's not my fault that my intentions got all distorted and sextish. I just wanted him to admit that I was not the only one affected by last spring. Things just went in the wrong direction is all. A very wrong, sexually promiscuous direction.

Up side? He did admit it. Albeit, in a slightly different manner than expected.

I think that sort of counts as a "win" in my book. That is, if I were keeping a winning/losing book. Thank gods I'm not, that beast would be heavy-handed in the lose column. And that would just be depressing, y'all.

In another vein, I'm almost done with the semester! Huzzah! One week, one day. That's it baby, then home sweet, pollen-infested home.

Also? Had an awesome two day field-trip for my Historical Geology class. It was filled with lots of rocks, minor woundings, awkward pool participants and, unbeknownst to us, a lot of haunted shit. Yeah, so not in the tour guide, people. All sorts of mental asylum deaths and suicides apparently occurred at the quarries we went to. Comforting. Really.

I just hope none of us brought home any paranormal hitchhikers, y'all, because I do not need that during finals.

You hear me ghosties? Not right now. Just check back in a week or so.

It's called courtesy.

Monday, April 26, 2010

Boobquake Day!

Hello all, today is National Boobquake Day! Huzzah. This means that it is time to show the ta-tas in an attempt to create scientific results... or to disprove the idea that women's promiscuous fashion styles can create earthquakes. I prefer to think we can create natural disasters with our bodies alone. Because that's a freaking good story. Not such a good story? We cannot create earthquakes with our boobs. That's just a disappointment for everyone involved, so let's stick with the first one.

Friday, April 16, 2010

Worship, harbouring enemies and nocturnal-people.

Worship me, people-who-waste-time-sleeping.

Damn right I'm talking to you. I didn't sleep a wink last night and I have gotten more done before 8 this morning than I have the rest of the week combined.

I got an entire paper out of the way for next week, I got four boxes and two crates packed, I showered and I shaved everything this morning. Not only did I get those menial tasks done, but I also found out I have an amazing ability to style myself when I've gotten no sleep. No joke. I look adorable today. And I was showered and dressed by 5.30 a.m., time-wasters.

I am practically above and beyond human.
I'm pretty much inhuman.

I'm like a Vampire, y'all.

Except, I get super queasy around blood, so keep that shit away from me. For real.

I've only had one more giant spider incident, and one pathetic little beetle (who was nothing after those other beasts).

I think I might be getting past the whole situation entirely. Except I'm still carrying around my Home Defender spray like a life vest, and my flashlight is permanently stashed my pocket at all times - you never know when a dark shadowy area might be harbouring the enemy. Oh, and the whole not-sleeping-thing of course. That's probably not going to work forever, but I'm totally going home tomorrow. It's just when I come back to finish out the semester that I have a problem. Seriously, I'm going to have to forcibly throw myself into attempting sleep. What a waste of time.

I've obviously learned that I'm nocturnal, or else I would not have gotten all this crap done. For real, people, society needs to make the world a little more nocturnal-people-friendly.

That way I can actually get shit done.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Hell beasts, hyperventilation and greatest fears confirmed.

The morning from Hell.

I mean that quite literally.

After having finally fallen asleep at 2 in-the-goddamn-A.M. I was awoken three minutes to 5 in-the-holy-hell-A.M. by the sensation that something was c-r-a-w-l-i-n-g on me. Oh gods. It turned out to be true! I have never moved so fast in my whole life! I was up, I had my Home Defender spray in my hand in seconds and I let loose on my couch like it was WWIII and that spider was the ENEMY! It was no small pin-sized beast either!

I am forever scarred. Forever. And ever and ever and ever.

Now I'm up, showered and dressed and it's not even 6. Holy hell. I don't have to be to class until 9. I'm so fucking hyped up on fear and adrenaline right now, people. I'm pretty sure this must be my ultimate fear/paranoia/scenario-where-I-die.

At this point, I wish I was on Xanax. Because I can't stop hyperventilating and I cannot pass out - I will not be unconscious again - ever.


Sunday, April 11, 2010

Engagement-ring heist, abnormality and social convention.

I've decided that trying to get into beach body condition is hard. I still feel flabtastic, but I also feel healthier, so I guess that's okay. And-

Wait a second - hold on -

OKAY. That's it people. If one more person I know gets engaged I'm going to go on an engagement-ring heist. Understand? For Pete's sake.


Okay. I'm done raving over that tidbit. Really. Sort of.

But it does seem as if everyone keeps telling me how natural, how normal it is for someone my age to be single. Then why, may I ask, is it that everyone else my age seems to be not only in a committed relationship, but also tying that oh-so-sacred knot as well? Are you honestly telling me that I'm the normal one and everyone else is abnormal? That seems a bit far fetched. And trust me, I love far fetched tales, but this one seems a bit stretched even for my tastes.

So world, I'm pretty sure that it's mostly abnormal for someone my age to be single - and to have been, for the most part, single for two years prior to this moment. Awesome.

Well, I guess I never have been one for maintaining social conventions. So this isn't anything terribly new for me. I suppose I will survive - survive right into my grey-cat-years, that is.

(Take that, Grandma.)

But seriously, it's not so bad being single. I have a lot more me time, which I adore - of course. Being mildly self-centered helps in that regard. Plus I get to peruse for cute people any time I want, without feeling any guilt afterwards. Huzzah. Also? I can do anything I want for myself, and not have to consult with anyone else about it. Chya. That's pretty fabulous if you ask me, which I know you were going to.

Of course, there are downsides too - like being lonely. But then I remember how awesome I am, and I just talk to myself. Problem solved.

Overall, I'm still a little sleep deprived from the past few nights of insomnia, so I'm not entirely sure writing this was a wise decision. If you walk away from this with anything meaningful, congratulations.

Friday, April 9, 2010

Fall schedule, tons of crap and one month to go.

So earlier this week I decided on my schedule for this up-coming fall. Huzzah. It'll be a full 15-credits of pure delightful anthropology. Be jealous, people. I know you are.

(Schedule as follows for anyone who cares... mwf The Aztecs 9.30-10.20, The Paleolithic Age 10.30-11.20, North American Archaeology 11.30-12.20, Intro to Physical Anthropology 12.30-1.20 & American Indian Ethnography online - finally, a reason to be online that's legitimate.)

I also realized that I have just days over one month to pack and get my ass out this apartment for the summer. I have a lot of stuff. I mean a lot lot of stuff. Probably more than one apartment should have. I'm practically a fire hazard, y'all.

I am going to perish violently packing all of this stuff by myself. That might possibly be an overreaction.


Then again, there is a lot of stuff.

Some of this crap is coming home with me for the summer, but a ton of it is going to be put into storage. I'm telling you this so you can lighten my load, people. - But not really. Leave my crap alone. Jeez, you're all a bunch of thieves.

If this stuff was worth anything at all, it'd probably make your time worth while to try to ransack. But it's all pretty much cheap stuff that I got at garage sales. Because I'm eco-friendly. And modestly poor. I'm in college, stop judging me.

One month to go. For real, people. I'm both hyperventilating and doing the snoopy dance. I'm pretty sure that's not healthy, but I'm not a doctor.

I remember when the end of the school year meant that it was the dawning of the coolest part of the year. But now it's just a stressful situation that involves a lot of last minute papers, final exams and finding summer work. Where did the fun go, universe? I think we got jipped, y'all.

So screw the limited-fun-of-summer thing. I plan to lounge outside in the sun (with sunblock, I burn like there's no tomorrow people) like a goddamn cat as much as possible this summer.

I will also probably hit up a bunch more garage sales too (because I have a problem staying away from them).

So look out next semester - me and my cheap crap are coming to get you!

Friday, April 2, 2010

Parents, homesickness and suffocating love.

Home sweet home.


Well, I've made it home for the big superficially 'religious' Easter celebrations (i.e. a four day weekend woo!). I thought it'd at least take years, if ever, to get over the homesickness when I'm away. But you know what? I now feel claustrophobic at home. I know they don't mean to suffocate me, but parents are just always there when you're home.

They're like that piece of furniture that you're almost certain you had put outside to be picked up by the garbage man (even if they keep telling you the city doesn't take old furniture). Somehow, it's crept back into your living room with all the audacity of a tacky orange ottoman.

Not that you hate that ottoman. In fact, that particular ottoman reminds you of all your good childhood moments, and makes you feel safe and protected. But it really doesn't match anything you own anymore, and it can be such an eyesore - the way it looks in the big picture just doesn't suit your everyday needs anymore.

But maybe you could keep it around; revamp it with a new fabric - help it try to fit in, even if the style is so out of date that it's practically obsolete.

Yeah, it's sort of nice to have it around - I mean, it keeps you grounded. And that's a feeling that can be easily lost in a world where you're just another fresh (haggard) faced student in a sea of forty other similar faces. Sometimes you just need that old ottoman to remind you of your roots - and to remind you of just how far you've really come.

Suffocation doesn't sound so bad, not when you know it's suffocation by love.

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Growing up, growing apart, and one best friend.

So this is going to be a sappy / depressing / disparaging post - and yes I know, it's terribly uncool - but I've never really been that concerned about it, so deal with it.

Well, I've come to realize that my (previous? ex? once?) best friend has sort of given up on me, or on us. Years of mocking other people, taking masses of ridiculously staged photographs and eating tons of junk food just couldn't save us from growing up and growing apart it seems. It's been this way for several months when I come to think of it, but at least several months ago we were still talking. Honestly, it's pretty ill-timed, since college is supposed to be the most awesome time of your life - or not, whatever.

Heck, I love my college - and I love what I'm going here for - but what good is all that when my once-upon-a-time best friend wants nothing to really do with me? Sure sure, I could just go and pick out a new one - maybe a slightly flashier one, with less mileage and a wicked wardrobe to borrow from. That'd be the easy way out of this situation. However, it's come to my attention that I'm not the easiest person to get along with. And she sort of accepted all the dramatic flaws and insensible opinions with little, if any, complaint. That's pretty hard to come by, I'd say.

I had tried to persuade her to leave our small-town-roots for awhile, to come see what the slightly-less-small-town life was like. To no avail, of course. She couldn't possibly leave her boyfriend or family (despite how infrequently they see each other, due to schedule conflicts) to move in with me and enjoy our last years of young-adulthood before we have to become real grown-ups. Of course not. How selfish I was, to think of pulling her away from a monotonous job (that she's never cared for) and a mainly-weekend schedule of seeing her boyfriend (even though they live together).

It was complete madness on my part. I see that now. Because, honestly, after expressing my explicit desire of having her here - things fell apart.

Blame me or expunge me, I'm still minus one dearly sarcastic best friend.

Monday, March 29, 2010

Lucky escapes, therapeutic-creeping and fat-free basking.

Holy crap. I just realized how glad I am that all those could-have-been relationship possibilities did not work out.

Seriously, I don't think I've ever realized how lucky I am that those did not work out. I came to this glorious realization while perusing those specifically-left-unnamed-persons' Facebook pages. And wow. They're complete morons. I really think I might have some mismanaged poor-taste-in-potential-choices issues. Honestly, I don't know what I was thinking. It appears I wasn't. Thank the gods that those potentialities either fizzled or migrated away. Because I'd be screwed in an uncomfortable way if they'd actually taken root, and had ended up fostering grossly ignorant illegitimate stupid infant attachment seedlings.

Even thinking of it makes me shudder. I was like this close (on several occasions) to being one half of an ugly (hairy, cancerous, 3-dimensional) mole on the face of global coupledom. For real, people.

I don't think I've ever realized just how reprehensible most of the guys my age are. I mean, honestly, what the hell guys? And wow, I really really don't know how to pick them. Or I do. If by "pick them" I refer to choosing the most dishonest, slovenly, two-faced future-alcoholics known to humankind. If I mean that, then damn, I'm good. Be jealous, y'all.

I think I cherish my singlehood much more now. And I think everyone should put aside their actual responsibilities for an hour once in awhile, and engage in a session of therapeutic-creeping. It is most definitely worth it.

Seriously, just look up those snotty bitches you hated in school/at work/etc, or those losers who dumped you - and just bask in how absolutely moronic they are. It will lift your spirits like no better-than-sex-cake ever has. And this way you won't gain an ounce.

You're welcome.

Relationships are really just ridiculous if you think about it. I mean, we all spend the first what - two months? - trying to be exactly what that special-somebody is looking for. Then we get comfortable and just give up trying at all. Awesome. What guy doesn't love his now hairy-legged girlfriend who no longer feels compelled to dress to impress? Or what girl doesn't want to be with her now paunch-stomached boyfriend who no long feels inhibited to hide his bodily functions in front of her?

Fairytale romance, y'all.

Projects, skull pants and academic hell.

Well, well. Life seems to have caught up to me and stolen all of my time recently. Life is a bitch; a thieving, conniving one at that.

So, I was being such a purposeful grown-up today. I totally went all the way to campus and talked to my group member about our project. Like for real real. I put effort into questions and even decided to retake a test that I did horrendously on from weeks ago from another class. To add even more gold stars to my fabulously school-heavy day (on a day when I have no school normally!), I even went to the library to get articles printed off that I didn't even need yet.

I'm pretty sure a small planet just exploded somewhere in the solar system.

However, now I'm sitting around in purple pj pants (with freaking awesome skull details), surfing the internet and avoiding studying for a test... that is tomorrow. Afternoon. Don't judge me, I've got time people.

School is hell right now though. I think Spring is the official time of demon activity, and people are just bullshitting us in the Fall. Honestly, the last few weeks of the Spring semester suck royally, and not in the fun way either. It's like cram-cram-cram. Then guess what? Pass out, wake up and do it all again. And again. And again. The never-ending circle of academic sadism.

Tie me up and spank me with a textbook, universe.

There are a lot of sexual innuendos in this post - I think I like it. Rough.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Sex, lies and STI colonies.

So, I was thinking about sex earlier - and that is meant in the least sexual way, honestly - and how everyone is so afraid to talk about it - like, really talk about it, in a non-joking / sexual harassment sort of way. And yes, it really can be totally embarrassing to talk about, but isn't that the problem? We let ourselves get so caught up in our fears of being embarrassed, that we just push the subject to the periphery of topics to never be discussed in a serious manner outside of health classes and/or hospitals.

I know that I personally would never discuss my sex life with my family, ever ever ever (times infinity). But I also know that it's hugely important to discuss with one's lover/partner/random hook up/etc-you-get-the-point-I'm-trying-to-make. I also know that it often isn't discussed enough, or very thoroughly.

So I'm not saying anyone should ever do a play-by-play of their sex history with the person they're with - because that's just so uncalled for, and will probably kill your relationship (or on the flip-side totally turn your partner on, in which case - awesome for you ((I'd totally ask them first though - as to avoid the above noted problem.)). For most of us, however, it'd be like having hot wax slowly and deliberately dripped onto our eyeballs, not fun.

I just think people should be honest about sexual things. For instance, if you've slept with several people, own up to it - don't just bullshit your way past the point - because that will likely cause problems later, such as when you're all "No, I picked this up from a public toilet seat years ago, I swear." Nobody is buying it. I promise.

And really, what's that embarrassing about the whole thing? Honestly, if you've both had sex before, who are you trying to keep face for? Your opinion (and feelings) for that person shouldn't change if you find out they've been with someone else, I mean - unless it was while you were dating of course (then stab away at them) ((Honestly, I'm kidding.)).

And if your partner won't talk about their history or doesn't want to hear yours, then dump them - because they've obviously got an ulterior agenda. Like infecting you with chlamydia - in order to ultimately sterilize you. Those bastards.

Sex is a really complicated issue, and maybe you shouldn't take my advice - I mean, I've only been in a couple very failed relationships, so what would I know? (Except a lot about being lied to - and how shitty it is, people.)

Sex can totally be amazing when it's with the right person, at the right time in your life and when you trust that that person is being totally honest about where their privates have previously been. That last one really is important - because I doubt anyone wants to later find out they're growing an STI colony on their peep or in their vag.

So, be safe - ask questions and use protection. Also? Get tested regularly, because people do lie. A lot, and with great frequency. You may love them, they may be your best friend, you may have been dating them since you were in high school and you were eachothers firsts - but they may still be hiding something from you.

Find out, because your first allegiance is always to yourself and your own health.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Tired, guestless and filled with pizza.

So, I am honestly too tired to be writing a post - but I cannot sleep. I'm being taunted by half-waking dreams of extremely attractive people, who are obviously out of my reach. It's kind of cruel of my own mind to play tricks on itself, but apparently even sleeping pills are not helping. Seriously, messed up.

Anywho, I just got an invitation to a dear friend's wedding for August 7th - and it's all "you can bring a guest" (insert swirly, cursive font and cherry-blossomy tree decoratives). Now I feel pressured to find somebody to go with - when I hadn't even planned to bring a date when I'd found out she was getting married in the first place. It's a little taunting as well (taking tips from my dreams?).

It was an odd day today though - I even broke down and ordered pizza (shame, shame on me). I'm totally going to do extra sit-ups and yogaing tomorrow to make up for it - and I'm going to do it happily (sort of). Exercise does make you feel good afterwards - but I think it's just the accelerated heart rate and light headedness, which I like. A lot. Probably in an unhealthy way, but whatever health-lover-people, screw you and your judgements.

I'm going to go pass out now, even though it's not really that late - however, my body thinks it's 4 am after a long night of dirty love making.

Night y'all.