Mini-meltdowns, judgements and lessons learned

So I'm having a mini-meltdown - the first one in several weeks, which is probably a huge step forward for me - but man, can a few words really bring a girl down.

And this really teaches one about talking to their loved ones, for sure.

You know, I wasn't the most morally obligated teenager - so what? Who doesn't have regrets from that time in their lives? I have plenty. Plenty. And yes, I dressed a little risqué. My tops were low, and I was proud to show off what I had - who doesn't do that in high school? But you know what? I grew up. Ta-da. It happens, and for once I wish that I got some credit for doing so. I'm not running around practically falling out of my tops anymore, nor am I so desperate for attention - I'm just trying to live a life, my life. And for gods sake, I wish that my family would just get on board and stop bringing up the past. I am not that girl anymore, I'm not even a shadow of that girl.

I'm growing, I'm evolving - just like everyone else. So why is it that they can acknowledge everyone else's changes, but mine?

I know that this was kind of a ranting/pathetic/ridiculous post, but so be it. I'm a little emotionally unstable right now, thanks mom.

Lesson: Nobody should have the right to judge you based on the person you were years ago, the person you no longer resemble inside (and to some extent, outside).

And when they do - cry, get pissed and angry-blog. It's actually pretty relieving.

Friends, family and semi-useless knowledge.

So I was trying to come up with a super, trendy "cool" post earlier - and guess what happened? Nothing. Well, okay, I did write some stuff - some really crappy stuff, but it was writing still, right?

Anywho, I saw the most beautiful sunset last night while I was traveling back from home. It was unnaturally pink. Most likely because I was still wearing my sunglasses. You'd think someone would have told me it wasn't bright anymore. No one did, because they obviously knew the sunset would be prettier for me in pink. Thoughtful. Presumptive, but thoughtful.

Which leads me to more important things (well, the sun is super important...). I just want to address some exemplary things in my life, and show that while it doesn't always seem like I care, that I do - and I don't want to take all of it for granted all the time - just you know, when I'm being human and careless.

For me, in my life, I've got my (limited) cache of friends, my (dysfunctional) family and of course, my mass of (semi-useless) knowledge. These are the things that I think are most important to me - because I need those specific people in my life. Those are the dear souls who keep me from permanently floating off into the never-never-land in the recesses of my chaotic mind - and trust me, you don't want to vacation in that black hole. And, Knowledge, you mysterious minx, you keep me on my toes and ready for battle. I thank all the pretty green things on the plant that education has been available to me throughout my life, because honestly it's a precious gift. And when it comes to people who want to remain completely ignorant of everything in life, I just want to jump off a cliff. Preferably with sharp rocks or something beneath them (I don't want to suffer). It just kills me that people take the journey for knowledge for granted all the damned time - and yes, I do blame you and your ignorance for homicidally trying to kill me as well (so knock it off).

(I didn't want to jump, you made me.)

So, to the cosmos, I tip my glass in your honour for dealing me a starting hand consisting of a family that, while obnoxious and often defective, has been my rock and guiding light through all the pitfalls and hailstorms. And thank the stars that my friends have stuck by me, because I've been a real bitch to every single one of them at some point or another - and by gods, it's surprising they've not run far, far away from this mess. I know I would have. They're a tough lot.

So, here's to being thankful for what you've got in life.