Engagement-ring heist, abnormality and social convention.

I've decided that trying to get into beach body condition is hard. I still feel flabtastic, but I also feel healthier, so I guess that's okay. And-

Wait a second - hold on -

OKAY. That's it people. If one more person I know gets engaged I'm going to go on an engagement-ring heist. Understand? For Pete's sake.

Sigh.

Okay. I'm done raving over that tidbit. Really. Sort of.

But it does seem as if everyone keeps telling me how natural, how normal it is for someone my age to be single. Then why, may I ask, is it that everyone else my age seems to be not only in a committed relationship, but also tying that oh-so-sacred knot as well? Are you honestly telling me that I'm the normal one and everyone else is abnormal? That seems a bit far fetched. And trust me, I love far fetched tales, but this one seems a bit stretched even for my tastes.

So world, I'm pretty sure that it's mostly abnormal for someone my age to be single - and to have been, for the most part, single for two years prior to this moment. Awesome.

Well, I guess I never have been one for maintaining social conventions. So this isn't anything terribly new for me. I suppose I will survive - survive right into my grey-cat-years, that is.

(Take that, Grandma.)

But seriously, it's not so bad being single. I have a lot more me time, which I adore - of course. Being mildly self-centered helps in that regard. Plus I get to peruse for cute people any time I want, without feeling any guilt afterwards. Huzzah. Also? I can do anything I want for myself, and not have to consult with anyone else about it. Chya. That's pretty fabulous if you ask me, which I know you were going to.

Of course, there are downsides too - like being lonely. But then I remember how awesome I am, and I just talk to myself. Problem solved.

Overall, I'm still a little sleep deprived from the past few nights of insomnia, so I'm not entirely sure writing this was a wise decision. If you walk away from this with anything meaningful, congratulations.

Lucky escapes, therapeutic-creeping and fat-free basking.

Holy crap. I just realized how glad I am that all those could-have-been relationship possibilities did not work out.

Seriously, I don't think I've ever realized how lucky I am that those did not work out. I came to this glorious realization while perusing those specifically-left-unnamed-persons' Facebook pages. And wow. They're complete morons. I really think I might have some mismanaged poor-taste-in-potential-choices issues. Honestly, I don't know what I was thinking. It appears I wasn't. Thank the gods that those potentialities either fizzled or migrated away. Because I'd be screwed in an uncomfortable way if they'd actually taken root, and had ended up fostering grossly ignorant illegitimate stupid infant attachment seedlings.

Even thinking of it makes me shudder. I was like this close (on several occasions) to being one half of an ugly (hairy, cancerous, 3-dimensional) mole on the face of global coupledom. For real, people.

I don't think I've ever realized just how reprehensible most of the guys my age are. I mean, honestly, what the hell guys? And wow, I really really don't know how to pick them. Or I do. If by "pick them" I refer to choosing the most dishonest, slovenly, two-faced future-alcoholics known to humankind. If I mean that, then damn, I'm good. Be jealous, y'all.

I think I cherish my singlehood much more now. And I think everyone should put aside their actual responsibilities for an hour once in awhile, and engage in a session of therapeutic-creeping. It is most definitely worth it.

Seriously, just look up those snotty bitches you hated in school/at work/etc, or those losers who dumped you - and just bask in how absolutely moronic they are. It will lift your spirits like no better-than-sex-cake ever has. And this way you won't gain an ounce.

You're welcome.

Relationships are really just ridiculous if you think about it. I mean, we all spend the first what - two months? - trying to be exactly what that special-somebody is looking for. Then we get comfortable and just give up trying at all. Awesome. What guy doesn't love his now hairy-legged girlfriend who no longer feels compelled to dress to impress? Or what girl doesn't want to be with her now paunch-stomached boyfriend who no long feels inhibited to hide his bodily functions in front of her?

Fairytale romance, y'all.