Loss.

So, it's been months (literally) since I've blogged. I would say I apologize, but I'm not at all sorry for the intervening months.

On June 16, 2010 my dad passed away.

I really haven't come to terms with that, nor do I think I can really comprehend that it really happened.

I don't want to abandon my original goal for this blog however - to really get to a place, internally, where I'm happy with myself.

Obviously, this has set me backwards - pushed me backwards is probably more accurate. - But more than that, it's like my entire world (and the world that every member of my family belongs to) has been plunged into darkness. I cannot honestly say I wake up glad to "just be alive" every morning - some days are more difficult, while others are almost bearable.

I do know that I'm glad I am alive, because he isn't. He can't experience the warmth of the sun, the wet of the rain, or the cold of the wind anymore. It's hard to even wrap my head around. It doesn't make sense, none of this does - nothing that has happened in the past few months has any rhyme, or reason.

I can't change what happened. There really is nothing else to do, but endure, survive, live.

So that's my message today: Live.

Live now, because you don't always have as much time as you imagine.